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| I have less than nine minutes to write this. Trying some new things. Don't watch me. I love someone who isn't related to me, as more than just a friend. It's been only more than two months that we've been in each other's lives, and the connection is amazingly strong. As of late, my shitty habit of holding in my emotions too much has begun to affect us. We have had numerous (but no more than 2 or 3) nights that involve a silent sojourn to his house and into his bed. This whole experience seems overwhelming at times, and I can't say that I didn't have an idea of what things would be. I know how I am, and I knew what could come. Nonetheless, there was no way that I could have foreseen my reactions. This is first time that I've ever been with someone and had guttural responses to the things that happen around us. I am scared at times, for more reasons that I even realize. At times, I touch my chest when it burns for him. Whenever a foreign feeling hits me, my heart dips. Might be a murmur. This must be what love is. I want things to be amazing for us, and I have no doubts that we have and will continue to develop something really special. We seem to be very compatible and we have all the capacity to enrich the substances we carry. He brings me joy like I've never felt and all I want is to do the same for him. I want to leave my bad tendencies behind and be the best ______ I can be for him. Moving forward... coming and going | | |
| I don't want to think about this, but I hope that writing on it will help. I woke up, about an hour ago, from a dream in which I cheated on the man I am involved with. I had consensually and consciously engaged in a sexual act with a man that I was not committed to. In discussing my current situation, that's just it. It had no exact label. I have been dating and have been faithful to one man for exactly two months today. Things have been more than amazing, and I see great things for us in the future. He makes me really happy and I always feel cared for and present with and apart from him. That said, things haven't been perfect. My insecurities and a chain of unfortunate events has caused a rift between us, and I am positive that the relationship is indefinitely scarred by them. There is no need to divulge the details of the incident, but deduce what you will. I'm very simple minded when it comes to loving someone else. If I have it and can manage to share, it's yours. I will probably try to give more to you than you will ever give to me. I will think about you constantly, even if I don't show it. I will be faithful. I will be FAITHFUL. I will allow you to walk over me, at times, simply because I care about you and have bigger thoughts and dreams for us. I know that my ways will make me a target for being a fool, but I guess that I really don't care. I love the only way I know how, and I was never coddled by my family. I don't want to feel short-changed. My heart sinks to write these things, but it's comforting to feel something real through it. My plan for myself is to work on my confidence -- I know having better views of myself will make me less susceptible to being insecure. | | |
| I've realized that I've completely (well... almost) lost my sense of adoration and lust for food. I eat because I know I need to, and because it distracts me from other things. When there is nothing to do and when money is at my disposal, I eat. My new goal is to wake up in enough time to cook and/or pilfer foods from my mother's pantries and from my own stock. There needs to be a jolt in my system; I want to love again.
Food used to be my haven. I have never gone about consuming and creating dishes in a healthy, joyous way and I'd like to begin now. I will keep my spirits up and determination steady.
Thanks for listening. | | |
| I WOULD be spending the early part of my day off looking at a food blog. I fucking would. | | |
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